Let’s talk about the big problem of dating today. In the consultation case I encountered, the main issues that men exposed in dating were as follows:
1. Dating is nothing new, every time it is a three-piece “dining, shopping and watching movies”, I feel dull, and my girlfriend also feels boring;
2. When dating a lady who has just met recently, and we are alone, which is very easy to be embarrassed, and difficult to find subject to talk, which leads to a lousy dating atmosphere;
3. After the blind date/date, I feel good about myself, but her attitude is getting shaky, and I don’t know what’s wrong.
Choosing the right place and way of dating can effectively solve the above three problems.
Dating goal 1-exceed expectations
We all think that “eating, shopping and watching movies” is not good, it is simple-plain and boring.
We all know that girls like romance and surprises. There is a psychological logic behind these two words-beyond expectations.
When do we think “surprise”?
It is not positively correlated with quality but positively correlated with the difference between the truth and quality expectations.
You spend $5,000 to stay at the Seven Star Burj Al Arab Hotel in Dubai and walk into the lobby.
Looking at the magnificent decorations around, the thought that popped up in my mind was, “Is that it? It’s not as exaggerated as it is said on the Internet.”
Then you spent $200 and stayed in a homestay in a small town and opened the small wooden door. Looking at the fresh and elegant interior decoration, the thought that popped up in your mind may be, “Wow, how amazing!”
Your evaluation is not because the quality of the homestay is higher than that of the seven-star hotel. But compared to the Burj Al Arab Hotel, the B&B exceeds your initial expectations.
In the same way, it’s not the first time for a girl to go out on a date. When you choose to use the most old-fashioned way, it is also the way most people would choose-eating, shopping, then watching a movie. It’s impossible to stir up girls’ emotions.
Because she is too accustomed to this rhythm, no matter how exquisite food you eat, it’s okay; watching many interesting movies can only guarantee that the dating occasion will not deduct points for your relationship. It is difficult to achieve the effect of adding points.
Because in dating, if all are within expectations, then the emotions are always flat, but when two people are attracted to each other, the feelings must be fluctuating.
How can we exceed expectations?
There was a saying: If she is not deeply involved in the world, take her to see the prosperity of the world. Take her to do things she has never experienced before.
If she is an innocent girl who has just stepped out of campus and entered society, take her to a bustling shopping mall, noisy bar, a big party with shining lights.
If she is a well-experienced woman with a superior life, take her through those prosperous streets, eat unique snacks in an unknown alley.
Try to eat and watch movies in traditional dating, do some niche hobbies, go to art exhibitions, participate in movie salons, and go fishing in the quiet suburbs.
My first girlfriend’s date was a free scene: I showed her the snow just because she is a southern girl.
Photo note: I heard that this ice cream is super awesome and hard to find. I will take you to try it.
Dating goal 2-create interaction
What do you fear most about dating?
I am most afraid of the sudden silence of the air.
The most embarrassing scene I can think of is when two people are sitting opposite each other, then I couldn’t find any topic, and we both started to turn on our phones.
Believe me, if you are not a particularly eloquent person, this kind of situation is easy to occur when you use items such as meals on a date.
So, we need some “bring your own topic” dating projects. Prepare some common things to accomplish when dating to avoid cold spots and embarrassment.
For example: go to play a room escape together ; go to the video game city to smash a mole and catch a doll together; go to the recent photography exhibition to watch and discuss the work together; go to the pottery shop together to complete a DIY pottery work;
If your city is not a first-tier city without these projects, you can also choose: playing billiards, playing badminton, bowling, or other sports,
Surveys have shown that people’s heartbeat speeds up during exercise; this will give her the illusion that her heart will speed up when she is with you, which will make her feel good.
In addition to increasing interaction and avoiding embarrassment, this type of dating project has another benefit: creating shared experiences.
A unique shared experience will deepen the sense of connection between the two (same as why classmates, comrades in arms, and prisoners generally have deep feelings)
If you can leave some common works on this date, it will make your relationship closer.
Such as: Going to play video games together and left a record; Went to have a big meal together and ended up with a free bill; To paint oil paintings together, and then you always keep this work. catch the doll together and then caught a doll for her.
Dating goal 3-attention to details
Women’s attention to detail is several times that of men. It would be the saddest thing for men if he had prepared for a date carefully, but the result was reduced because of dandruff on the shoulders.
Generally speaking, the details of mistakes that men tend to overlook in dating are as follows:
1. Sloppy/fancy dress
You can be handsome or not, not a fashionista, but you must have an excellent first impression on girls. Because the first impression of a girl is critical, the clothes you wear represent your taste and express your life state.
Hair that has not been trimmed for over 2 months, crumpled jeans, coffee stains on the cuffs of a white T, all will cause you to lose points!
2. No opinion
For a man, if he unintentionally shows a side that is unintentional and unresponsible, the attraction can be cleared to zero.
It was so easy to ask the girl out, and the first sentence blurted out, “Where shall we go later.”
Find a restaurant with an elegant environment to eat, and directly push the menu to the girl. “You order; I’m fine either one.”
This kind of relatively mild, and even more speechless, is that when two people go on a trip together, they not only do not provide any effective advice, but they also complain about: “I can’t tell you to come to this place. Look at the traffic jam.” “Why do you choose this restaurant to eat ah? I think the restaurant may be so-so.”
In this case, she will quickly decide that “You can’t pay attention to this little thing, then what can you do in the future?”
3. Not attentive enough
The so-called not being careful enough means that they will not capture the small emotional changes of girls.
After all, compared with men, the emotions of girls are more subtle and detailed. Many times the small details will decide whether a girl will fall in love with you. In their eyes, guys who can quickly capture what they want and give feedback have an impressive score of +99.
A girl goes out to a date for the first time, and she was a little cold when she went out. She then complains when she came into the car, and I immediately turned on the heater on the passenger side.
She told him that it was at this moment that the degree of affection for him exploded.
Here is another example.
A friend went out on a blind date. After returning, we gathered around her to gossip: What do you think of this guy?
She replied: Very attentive; I have a good impression. We asked why, and she said: We had a short walk after dinner, the traffic was rushing at night, he subconsciously changed from the inside to the outside of the road.
Women often believe in a rule: “If a man loves me, he must either give money or time.” If she thinks you’re calculating when you date her for the first time, you probably won’t have the next time.
For example, I found during a survey that more than 50% of women hated men using a coupon on their first date. It makes the man particularly stingy. It seems to say: So when you asked me out for the first time, the first thing that came to mind was how to save money? This is like giving your girlfriend a gorgeous necklace, and she noticed a big “50% off” before she had time to enjoy the thoughtfulness.
Above, I hope to help you.