90 days before having sex gives you more time to learn about the other person and vice versa.

90 Day Rule In Dating


The finest date of your life is one in which you have an incredible connection with the other person you are out with. No doubt about it, there is a connection. Both of you can’t deny the sexual chemistry that exists between you. No. But, should you welcome him or her to your home and then immediately begin sleeping with him or her? Or should you follow Steve Harvey’s best-selling book’s 90-day rule, in which he accidentally mixed up the Miss Universe winner?

Is there a rule for 90 days?

According to the 90-day rule, no intercourse should be had for the first 90 days of dating or seeing someone. Everything else is up to you, but sex is off limits.

In Steve Harvey’s book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, the 90-day dating or sex rule is laid out in such plain terms.

Since then, various versions of the same concept have appeared, including the 30-day dating rule and the 60-day dating rule. Moreover, there are a slew of new rules to contend with. Some argue that it is perfectly acceptable to engage in all forms of sexual activity, except for penetration. Some people urge newlyweds to avoid doing anything together after they’ve met in person, even kissing.

In this section, we’ll stick to Steve Harvey’s original 90-day rule for dating and sex, rather than delving into all of the other 30/60/90-day standards.

How do you feel about the 90-day rule of dating?

Examining the advantages, disadvantages, and other aspects of the 90-day dating rule will assist you in making an informed decision.

Let’s first take a look at the male and female thoughts when it comes to sex, intimacy, and love before we get into the specifics. A rule is simple to remember. To get the most out of the 90-day sex rule, you need to be able to grasp it and analyze it for yourself.

Men’s perspectives on the 90-day rule and the meaning of sex

In the book Men Are from Mars and Women from Venus you’ve heard of? There’s a good chance it was a best-seller a long time ago. Men and women are so diametrically opposed in the novel’s premise that they could as well be from another planet.

Isn’t it a touch depressing?

Yes and no, of course. There can be no denying that men and women are essentially different. Men are more logical, whereas women are more irrational and emotional. Nevertheless, there are many more differences.

We’re most interested in the differences between men’s and women’s perspectives on sexuality. It’s important to address this first since it’s a fundamental barrier that can lead to conflict between men and women, particularly in the first 90 days of marriage.

What do guys think about in the first 90 days of a new relationship?

Let’s begin with the males first. For most males, the first 90 days of a relationship are all about physical contact. When they meet a new person, their hormones are soaring. As a result of all the excitement, they’ll only want to spend the night with you.

When individuals first encounter someone they find attractive, their brains are flooded with a variety of neurotransmitters. Almost as if they’re on a high from being aroused, they start to become fixated on finding a partner.

When it comes to the biology of it, men are naturally built to “spread their seeds.” Take a look at things from a genetic standpoint. The more children a man has, the more women he can have children with. And the more offspring he has, the more likely it is that his DNA will be passed down to future generations. It may sound snobbish, but it’s just the way nature works.

What’s on a woman’s mind for the first 90 days?

A woman’s desire to avoid having 25 children is understandable. Because if they did, they’d never be able to get pregnant again. That’s not something anyone wants, is it? It’s true that we have birth control today, but cavemen didn’t.

As a result, women are quite selective when it comes to having sex. They have a built-in instinct to select the proper partner. When she gets pregnant, they need a male who can help support and nurture the kid or babies. She doesn’t want a guy who will run off to get another woman pregnant and then return to her.

Despite the fact that these concepts may sound outdated, they aren’t. True, we’ve come a long way since our Neanderthal ancestors. However, our brains’ biological programming hasn’t changed all that much since then. As a result, males still act like cavemen, while women still behave like cavewomen.

What is the connection between this and the 90-day rule? If you think about it, it’s a very obvious connection.

There is no surprise that women will put up with males delaying having sex with them for as long as they want to satisfy their need for exclusivity. So yes, it is possible that sex might be enjoyable simply for the purpose of it being enjoyable. However, a woman’s risk of becoming pregnant remains constant.

A brief history lesson on how men and women are wired for sex is all that is left to say. It’s neither good nor terrible. It’s just a part of being human.

Now, how are you going to deal with this issue? The 90-day dating or sex rule can be followed, or it can be ignored. Both have advantages and disadvantages. First things first: the pros.

How the 90-day rule can benefit you in the long run.

Here’s why so many women adhere to the 90-day rule:

Removes those who aren’t good enough

If you’re looking for a quick hookup, you’re not alone. Detecting them is a simple matter. Those we like to refer to as “wolves in sheep’s clothing” are just dishonest about their motives, which is another problem.

In order to understand their genuine motives, you must spend time with them and get to know them intimately.

It is possible to tell whether a person is actually interested in a long-term relationship with you by following the 90-day rule in dating and sleeping with them for at least three months.

As a result, you can come to know each other more intimately

For a committed relationship, the 90-day guideline allows you to get to know each other and evaluate if you have an emotional connection, which is essential.

Waiting 90 days before having sex gives you more time to learn about the other person and vice versa. You get to spend time together doing the things you enjoy doing that aren’t sexual.

It enables you to distinguish between what is real and what is false.

In addition to the tricks and mind games that the other person may be performing, your mind, body, and heart can all play tricks on you. What you may mistake for attraction or even love may turn out to be nothing more than a fleeting whimper.

As a result of not delaying action, you may wind up making actions that you later regret.

It’s good for your health.

Sexually transmitted diseases have risen, and many of these infections have gone undetected until now. If you follow the 90-day guideline, you’ll have plenty of time to learn about your date’s sexual history.

Going out for a few months helps you feel comfortable enough to finally ask your date about their sexual history, even though you can’t do it right away.

You don’t get too attached to the person you are working with.

If you’ve been going out but not having sex, you’re missing out on a special kind of connection. This is due to the fact that sex increases the level of attachment between two people (thanks to oxytocin).

As a result, if you have sex earlier than 90 days, you are more likely to become emotionally invested in the person before you have an opportunity to learn more about them. Let’s talk about sex.

It’s even more exciting because of the anticipation.

Waiting 90 days brings with it a sense of anticipation. As you’ve made your decision plain to him, there’s a tinge of the forbidden.

In addition, there’s the exhilarating sensation of finally crossing the finish line, which is like explosions when it does.

It allows you to plan ahead.

After a period of time, you can be ready to engage in sexual activity with your date.

Having sex is wonderful, but it’s not without its drawbacks. No, you don’t want to rush into it, only to regret it later on.

You and your partner will be more prepared and devoted to your objective if you wait to take the next step.

Why the 90-day rule isn’t going to help you

Some people, on the other hand, are skeptical of the 90-day rule. According to their premise, no one truly waits 90 days. Listed here are the grounds for their displeasure:

  1. It reduces sex to a child’s game.

After a certain amount of time, you owe your date sex as a type of service. This is how the 90-day rule works.

Sex becomes a commodity in exchange for spending time with the other person, giving them attention, and then waiting. Intimacy and sex should not be used as a means of negotiating or exerting power over the other person.

  1. Assumes that men are mostly interested in sex

In the book Act Like a Woman, Think Like a Man by Steven Harvey, the 90-day rule assumes that men’s thoughts revolve primarily around sex, and that males desire sex more and earlier than women do.

Even though more women are embracing and taking responsibility of their sexuality, this rule is becoming increasingly obsolete as more women do the same.

  1. When it comes to dating and relationships, it supports double standards.

Assumptions are made that men are only interested in having sex with women, and vice versa. Suppose, though, that it’s the guy who’s unwilling to engage in sexual relations with the woman until they’ve gotten to know one another.

When it comes to expressing one’s sexuality, men and women are equally capable of doing so.

  1. It views sex as a form of currency.

In order to “put up” with you for the next 90 days, you cannot offer sex as a reward. When it comes to sex, guys don’t get it from women.

Instead, it should be freely given and enjoyed by both individuals who are certain of their feelings, regardless of the number of days they’ve been seeing one another.

  1. Gameplay is put up in this way.

In the beginning of a relationship, such a rule leaves little room for sincerity or intimacy. Keeping score produces an aura of game-playing that undermines your motivations for meeting in the first place.

  1. It assumes that giving up the “cookie” early is trashy.

It gives the impression that individuals who adhere to the 90-day rule are superior to those who release their work “early.” Slutty connotations can have an adverse effect on women’s sexuality and expression, as well as encourage them to harbor negative thoughts about what could otherwise be an incredible, intimate experience.

  1. It doesn’t necessarily mean that a guy who waits it out is “The One.”

The 90-day rule does not ensure that you will be in a long-term or even a lifelong relationship, nor does it ensure that the guy would not cheat or injure you in the end.

Some of the men who stayed put may be just as nice or nasty as the ones who didn’t. The answer to that question is, “No one knows.”

The verdict has been rendered.

Be mindful of the fact that rules are intended to be broken. A “proper” time to be ready for sex doesn’t exist. It’s crucial to take into account your level of preparedness, comfort, and connection with the other person.

After having had sex, it all boils down to how much work both parties are willing to put out in the relationship. The importance of sexual relations should not be overstated. Instead, place a high importance on love, romance, happiness, and emotional bonding.

While we’re not advocating jumping into bed with the first guy you meet, analyzing the benefits and drawbacks of the 90-day rule might help you see the larger picture and come to your own conclusions.

It’s ultimately up to you whether or not you adhere to the 90-day guideline. It doesn’t matter how long it has been since the last time you felt this way; you’ll know when it’s the proper time.

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