True love should celebrate our authentic selves, but within relationships, it’s not uncommon to bend a little to meet the needs of our partners. It’s a tightrope walk, the change without compromising or losing yourself for your partner, a fine balance between adaptation and maintaining your unique identity.
Listen, I’m the first person to advise you that you shouldn’t alter your identity for the sake of a relationship. And don’t compromise who you are and what you believe in so the other person will accept you. However, there are times when adapting to your partner’s needs is desirable.
Adapting to change doesn’t have to be a bad thing. Compromise is essential in any relationship, as we all know. No two people are ever completely compatible with one another.
As an illustration of transformation, I’ll use myself. I vowed to myself that no one could ever make me abandon my principles. Then I finally found the person I would eventually marry. Over time, I realized some of my activities were hurting my marriage. Fury and selfishness prevented me from being vulnerable or having a good relationship.
I decided to see a therapist and improve myself as a result. I didn’t try to mask my true nature or become someone else. Instead, I sought expert assistance in confronting my debilitating mental and emotional baggage and clearing it away.
Improving Yourself for Your Partner:
Here’s a little secret: it’s impossible to teach yourself to adapt for the sake of your romantic relationship. True and lasting transformation, however, can only come from the inside.
1. No one can force you to change your ways.
Attempting to alter who you are to please your partner is certain to fail. Only through taking personal responsibility for one’s own transformation is it possible. Changing was important to me since I care about both myself and the person I am with. I set out to improve myself.
2. What exactly needs to be different?
You should first consider why and what exactly needs to change. Do you think it’s time for a change? Certainly, if you feel that way. But if you truly don’t see any issues, then nothing will ever change.
Consider what needs altering now. Is it the way you debate with your significant other? Those poor routines of yours? How do you treat your body?
3. Try to work on improving your connection instead.
There are undoubtedly some things about yourself that you may improve upon if you feel the need. But don’t consider altering yourself for the sake of your relationship.
The motivation to alter your behavior must originate from within. It’s acceptable if you wish to alter your behavior to enhance your personal and professional connections. However, it is your own idea and not someone else’s.
4. Talk to your companion.
If you and your spouse aren’t as close as before, you might feel like you need to make some adjustments. However, that event should not take place right now. Let’s get the basics out of the way. You must schedule some alone time for reflection. The next step is to tell your lover how you feel. The key to success is effective communication.
5. Accept the consequences of your behavior.
This is a really big deal. Taking responsibility for your behaviors is the first step toward improving your relationship and character development. If you hurt your partner’s feelings with something you said during an argument, please say sorry. Taking these basic steps can have a huge impact on your life.
6. Think about what really matters.
For your partner’s sake, why would you wish to alter yourself? Where does your relationship stand right now? The moment has come to address the core problems. Discuss matters with your partner. Identify the weak spots and discuss how to strengthen them.
7. Don’t try to alter your companion.
You and your lover both have flaws, and that’s okay. This is really typical. But you should never use threats or ultimatums to get your partner to alter their behavior. It’s not going to work, just like trying to alter yourself for your mate doesn’t. They are the ones who must initiate change. Don’t let that discourage you from being a leader by example.
8. Don’t just assume things.
You and your lover are not mind readers. Never assume that you know how your spouse feels or that they know how you feel.
If you want your relationship to get better, work on communicating better, and if you feel like something is wrong, try to figure out what it is and how to fix it.
10. Learn the minutiae of your partner’s character.
Developing a new identity is not necessary if you want to alter your current one. Efforts need not be grand in scale. For instance, expressing your affection through words and actions other than sex. These changes can affect a couple’s relationship.
11. Work on altering your undesirable habits.
Whatever if your significant other doesn’t enjoy your emotional response to romantic comedies. Even though it annoys others, you shouldn’t let go of your kind nature.
However, what about improper actions? Do you place blame on others rather than taking ownership of your actions? Do you go radio silent when you and your partner have an argument? These are areas in which you can and should make improvements.
Trying to be a better person will only benefit your relationship. Make sure your motivation for altering is sound.
Meaningful articles you might like: How to Have Healthy Arguments and Get Closer to Your Partner, Ways for Talking to Your Partner and Putting an End to the Emotional Rollercoaster, Tips for Keeping the Peace with Your Partner While in Quarantine
