Relationships that involve sexual activity don’t necessarily have to end because of it. There’s no reason you two can’t continue being pals after this. Learn how to go from lovers to friends in this helpful guide.
When it comes to relationships, nothing is more complicated than sex. Because of the presence of such potent feelings as love, want, and jealousy in the context of sexual encounters, people are often driven to extremes of irrationality. Therefore, it’s not surprising that sexual activity can put a strain on friendships after the fact. No one says it has to be this way. Maintaining and even strengthening a post-sex friendship is possible if the usual problems are avoided.
It’s not uncommon for lovers to become distant from one another after experiencing sexual gratification. It just didn’t sit well with me, for some reason. It’s a bad this had to spoil what they had going.
As difficult as it may be, maintaining friendly relations with a former flame is sometimes necessary. They might work together, or at least have some other kind of professional connection. They could be friends or at least part of the same social group. They could potentially start a family together. Avoiding conflict and learning to get along is in everyone’s best interest if they will have to interact with each other in the future.
Is it even possible to accomplish this?
Yes! It’s entirely possible. Former romantic partners can remain friendly. Friendship can persist after sexual activity if the partners avoid certain triggers, maintain a level of maturity, and organize and control their interactions. They just have to take note of these tips.
1. Get things done at your own pace.
While it’s great that you and your ex have chosen to stay friends, there’s no need to rush into anything just yet. The key is to go slowly. It’s fine if you have to go a few weeks without seeing each other. Keeping your distance for a while is preferable.
Imagine it as you would a brand-new friendship. It’s not appropriate to contact a new buddy through phone or text message every day. Sending a message now and again is fine, but you should never feel compelled to do so because you’re lonely or under the influence of alcohol. At first, try to keep in contact once or twice a week.
2. Act in convoys of two or more.
If you decide to resume social interactions, it’s best to do so in a larger group. Attend the same events and make an effort to treat each other as you would a close friend. To avoid looking like you’re on a double date, it’s best not to go with another couple.
3. Try to avoid long stretches of isolation.
If you can’t locate anyone to join you, find a place to hang out where you won’t feel alone. Lunch at a casual eatery or coffee at a cafe is more comfortable than dinner at a formal restaurant. Daytime hours in a public park are another great choice. Going to the movies is essentially the worst conceivable choice.
4. Be sober.
Don’t even think about drinking. If you drink too much, you’ll either quarrel or fall asleep. Since the last thing you want while trying to build a friendship is for either of these to occur, you should refrain from drinking. When your friendship has matured and some time has passed since you were lovers, it may be acceptable, but in the beginning, it is not worth the risk.
5. Avoid discussing sexual matters.
Stay away from sex talk at all costs. Don’t bring up the sex you had before, and don’t bring up the sex you’re experiencing now, with your new partner. It would be counterproductive to the friendship to bring up old grievances that have nothing to do with the present. Especially if you used to have fantastic sex, this could be challenging. Even though it may be tempting to reminisce about the good old days, doing so will only serve to strain your friendship in the long term.
6. Try not to be too possessive.
You need to grow up and act like adults. Of course, the most adult thing you can do is to stop being so protective over your ex. As friends, act appropriately. In a friendship, it is inappropriate to pry about a person’s whereabouts, activities from the previous evening, or lunch plans for the following day.
7. Don’t try to start a jealous argument.
Every couple needs to learn to get over their jealous feelings, but in the meanwhile, it’s best not to do anything to make the other person envious. Immature people strive to make their exes envious of their new partners because they get a temporary thrill from knowing that their exes are unhappy with them. Trying to make the other person jealous while you’re both working through your feelings for each other is a childish, immature, and terrible way to go from lovers to friends.
8. Struggle against temptation.
Many find this stage difficult. Even if both partners want to stop having sex, which is unlikely (you probably don’t want to stop having sex 99% of the time), there is always the temptation that may cloud your judgment and cause you to act in a way you’ll come to regret.
An ex-lover can sometimes be like an addiction; it’s horrible for you, but you just can’t seem to stop yourself. This temptation usually occurs late at night, especially after a few drinks, when you call or kiss goodnight. Restraint helps.
Keeping your sexual friendship strong will take effort, but so does maintaining any friendship. Don’t let the past cloud the potential for a wonderful friendship.