It is true that many couples experience brutal breakups due to dealbreakers that could have been addressed earlier in the relationship. This is why couples need to have open and honest communication about their values, beliefs, and goals early on, and it’s crucial to answer important relationship questions you must answer.
A lot of couples break up because of dealbreakers that could have probably been avoided if they had answered the big relationship questions sooner.
A big reason why a lot of relationships end is that the big questions aren’t asked early on. It’s nice to think that love is all that’s needed for a relationship to last. It’s a good idea and fun to think about, but it’s impossible.
Passion, love, and even trust are not enough for a relationship to work. Most of the time, relationships are built on compromises.
Things can easily go wrong if you or your partner aren’t willing to compromise or respect the other’s opinions or beliefs.
Why You Should Answer the Big Questions Early in a Relationship
Let’s make sure we understand. I’m not saying that you should make plans for the future on the first date, but it’s important to talk about things that could end the relationship.
How will you know if the person you’re dating doesn’t want kids if you know you want a family one day, no matter how you get there? If you are very religious and want to raise your kids in the same way, do you need a partner who is also religious?
And if these things aren’t talked about before you move in together or get engaged, it can cause a big problem. Not only would breaking up be harder on you emotionally, but you might also avoid talking about these things to keep the peace.
Many couples know there is something that could end their relationship, but they put it off until later. They might have a joint mortgage, a pet, or even kids by then.
This can make a couple feel a lot of anger toward each other. It can also end things in a bad way instead of respectfully earlier when neither of you is likely to get hurt.
If you talk about these things early on, you can accept that you might not work out and part ways as friends or at least on good terms, even if it turns out that you don’t. When big relationship questions aren’t answered, and feelings and lives are involved, things get messy.
But what are the big questions in a relationship?
Big Relationship Questions
Everyone may have different answers to the big questions about relationships. What is vital to some may not worry others.
But, no matter how sure you are, you shouldn’t assume these things. You and your partner do a lot of traveling. You might think that’s the plan for the next few years. But they might want to do this now before starting a family and moving to the suburbs.
Talking about it will ensure you’re both on the same page and give you peace of mind.
Do you want a wedding? Are you happy that it didn’t happen? Do you want to get married first before having kids?
Do you want kids together? Can both of you have children? Are you willing to adopt or take care of a child? Do you want to adopt even if you can’t have children?
I’ve known happy couples who lived in a two-income home, but when they got married, things changed. The man wanted his wife to stop working and stay at home. Who will work, and who will take care of the house? Will you share the work? Will you split the money?
I’m sure it doesn’t come as a surprise that money problems are the cause of many breakups. So, talk about how much money you have. Do you have savings? Are you in debt? Is it credit card debt or student loans? How do you plan on paying them back?
I know a lot of happy couples whose religions are different. They have the same morals and views on life. When they have children, they will teach them about both religions and when the children are old enough, they will choose which one to follow.
But not everyone has such an open mind. Do you want to bring up your kids like you were? Do you want to teach them about different religions, or do you want them to have nothing to do with religion?
Again, not everyone is turned off by this. Some people think it’s just a difference of opinion, which they can tell is different. Not everyone can. It is a privilege not to care about politics at all. How will it work if you believe in gay rights, safe access to abortion, and health care for everyone, but your partner is more conservative?
During the holidays, will you go see your family or stay at home? What if a parent gets sick or can’t take care of themselves? Will you let them live there?
Do you plan to stay there once you’ve moved in? Are you willing to move if one of you gets a job offer?
Are you looking for a big house? Do you like living in the city, the suburbs, or the country? Or do you want to stay at home and live a simple life, or do you want to travel a lot and have adventures?
Do you want many animals as pets? Want to take care of animals? Is your partner allergic to certain animals or maybe even afraid of them?
You might both want children, but how will you take care of them? Do you want to shield them from hard things until they reach a certain age, or do you want to show them these things when they are young?
Will you support them no matter what they do and accept them for who they are? Will they be allowed to date in high school? Or will you make them go to college or let them decide?
Life and death wish?
Nobody wants to talk about this because it’s sad. You should be aware of what your partner wants. Do they have an order not to try to save them (DNR)? Do they want to be burned or put in a grave? Do they give organs?
You now know what’s most important to you. Some things that I might not have said. But if you know something will come up later or affect your happiness, you should talk about it. And make sure that your partner feels the same way.
These big questions can make or break a relationship. By having these conversations early on in the relationship, couples can identify potential dealbreakers and work together to find common ground or decide whether they are compatible in the long term. To have productive conversations, both partners should come prepared to listen and try to understand the other’s point of view and be open and honest about their own feelings and thoughts.
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