Insecurity in a relationship can be crippling to a couple, especially if one person is always insecure and the other is insensitive. In this article, discover 6 telltale signs of insecurity in your relationship.
Have you felt uneasy in a relationship and wondered if your husband wasn’t the perfect one for you because of it? We wondered if it was possible to learn to quit being insecure in a relationship, and if so, how?
Check out Alysha Jeney, the proprietor of Modern Love Counseling in Denver, CO, for six symptoms that you may be insecure in your relationship and expert-approved advice on how to deal with each one. The Modern Love Box subscription service, which Jeney co-founded, features relationship advice from her as well.
6 Telltale Signs: Insecurity in Relationship
A lack of emotional confidence and security stems from insecurity, which is deeper than trust. It’s possible to have complete faith in your partner’s faithfulness, but still feel insecure, says Jeney.
Whenever we’ve had a meaningful connection when someone has betrayed our trust, our deepest insecurities often arise from attachment wounds, according to Jeney. “This can lead to a defensiveness that fends people off and prevents us from ever allowing anyone completely into our lives,” she states.
When you’re insecure about your relationship and unsure if you’re with the proper person, this is where it all comes together. As Jeney demonstrates, you can be insecure in a relationship and still be with the perfect person. The fear of letting somebody in too near may be to blame for your self-sabotage. You may not be aware of your insecurities, projections, assumptions, attachment style, or behaviors when this occurs, or you may not know how to deal with them. If you’re feeling uneasy, Jeney recommends counseling and self-awareness exercises to figure out if the reason is internal or if you’re simply in an incompatible relationship.
If you’re feeling insecure in your relationship, here are six ways to fix it.
1. You Have a Hard Time Letting Go of People You Don’t Know.
A warning sign is that you have a lot of questions about everything, that you’re constantly on the internet, that you’re nosy about your partner’s business, or that you’re easily intimidated.
Practice mindfulness and record your thoughts in a journal when you’re feeling this way. Can you look at a circumstance giving your spouse the benefit of the doubt and test your thoughts?
The Reasoning Behind It All: “Using this method, you are able to confront your negative thinking and better understand where your sentiments originate. Reactions and ideas can be better dealt with if you don’t project them on to your spouse, and instead direct your attention elsewhere.
2. Because of Your Anxiety Over Intimacy
You’re having a hard time connecting emotionally or sexually (or both). During intimate moments, you may tell that someone’s defenses are up. Intimacy and what it means to both you and your partner must be understood before you can take action. When it comes to intimacy, ask yourself if you and your partner experience it in the same manner. Once you’ve identified what’s causing your defenses to rise, you can begin to address those issues head-on. You’ll be able to get your partner on the same page by talking about it. Be understanding and tolerant with each other.
3. You Get Panicked Easier than Others.
When you fear that your partner may leave you, reject you, or judge you during a fight, this is a telltale sign. This feeling of panic can be traced back to an experience in your past that you can use to understand what’s going on now. Do you need to hear something different now than you did back then? If the problem persists, repeat that message to yourself whenever you begin to feel provoked. According to Jeney, “it validates and soothes you to feel how you feel.” As a bonus, it can help you see things from a fresh perspective, which can help you calm down and communicate more logically when things go out of hand.
4. You Become Easily Afraid.
When your partner demands you to do something, you quickly feel offended, wounded, or shut down. As soon as someone criticizes you, you feel the need to defend yourself, either verbally or emotionally.
Consider the following: “How many of my ideas are based on assumptions?” “Was my partner really saying what I’m hearing?” “If I’m making this circumstance into something it’s not, is there a chance that I’m making it up?”
Why Is This Important? It encourages you to think critically and objectively about the situation. You’re able to decipher your partner’s message without being overwhelmed by their emotions.
5. You make everything a big deal.
Using unpleasant or definite language, you build large discussions around a topic that isn’t that significant once you’ve taken a step back. What you should do is look back at three to five arguments you’ve had in the past and evaluate them honestly. Look for patterns in the topic you were talking about and see what you can learn from it.
You may discover patterns in your own behavior that you weren’t aware of before. Maybe you’re arguing about the laundry or who they’ve added to Instagram because you haven’t been able to resolve a major problem in your relationship; you may be sabotaging your own happiness by not allowing yourself to feel truly close to someone, or you may have needs that aren’t being met in your relationship, but it’s easier to argue about the laundry or who they’ve added to Instagram rather than directly address them because it’s easier to argue about the laundry or who they’ve added to Instagram rather than directly address them.
6. Accepting Yourself Is a Challenge for You.
You have a hard time letting go of your self-criticism and allowing yourself to be who you are. Make sure you’re working on yourself so that you don’t fall into the trap of co-dependency and never let your true self grow. Consider seeking professional help or taking up a new hobby to help you cope. Give yourself permission to work through the influences of your past on your present. The most important is to be kind to yourself. In this process, you learn not to put your trust in others to ‘fix or soothe’ your perceived problems in an unhealthy way.
You’ll gain the emotional strength and self-confidence you need to be yourself. With the help of this technique, you may also figure out what’s causing your symptoms and how to deal with them.
If the above-mentioned signs could be found in your current relationship, maybe it is time to leave.
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