Are you being pestered by one or more “nice guys” who seem to be acting in good faith? Reasons why the “nice guy” isn’t that nice, are discussed below.
What are the “good guy’s” hidden motivations? He does fancy you. Direct and uncomplicated.
Men are not often friendly with females for no good reason. He thinks he can win your heart over with his kindness.
Of course, this doesn’t imply that every selfless act by a man is motivated by something else. It’s not always a pick-up attempt if he’s a friend or even a stranger who occasionally shows kindness to you. Probably he’s just trying to be friendly or nice to everyone.
He generally wants something in return if he is always trying to rescue you and save the day. Friendship has its limits, however. In a friend circle, everyone contributes equally. You would help them out, and they would help you out. Not a huge issue, really; that’s what friendship is.
To be a “good guy” is to be distinct. There is no two-way communication here. He thinks the world of you and is constantly striving to do things to win your approval. A friend will help you when you’re in need, but the “good man” will go out of his way to help you whenever he can.
Where’s the honesty from the supposedly good guy?
Typically, it’s because he’s afraid of being turned down. For fear of being turned down, he is too insecure about being forthright about his true intentions. He feels he has a shot with you if he can prove his kindness and let you know the “true” him.
He may have witnessed your relationships with terrible males or jerks, and he will gladly tell you that you deserve better. In this case, the motivation is purely material. He hopes to distinguish himself from the crowd by demonstrating his superiority.
He’s different from the rest, and he’ll tell you to stay away from those guys while talking trash about the other people in your life, all while claiming to be looking out for your best interests.
He hopes that the jerk you’re dating will break your heart and you’ll return to him. At this vulnerable and emotional moment, he will try to make his move and reveal his true desires. In my opinion, that’s not a very kind thing to do.
He anticipates your weakness and plans to exploit it to achieve his goal.
Do polite guys have a manipulative side?
In most cases, the answer is “no.” To be honest, it wasn’t planned that way. He probably doesn’t know what he’s doing and will stubbornly deny it if questioned. His actions stem from an inability to see the importance of being truthful and having strong moral principles.
He probably doesn’t intend to be sneaky and deceptive with women, but that’s how his insecurities manifest themselves. He’s probably a good person at heart; he’s just using a bad tactic to get closer to the ladies he likes.
To him, what he is doing must be the best course of action because he has never been exposed to any other options. From an early age, he will have been taught that if he treats women with kindness and generosity, they will like him.
Even though he understands the importance of being kind and compassionate, he seems to have missed the memo that this won’t make every woman swoon over him. As a bare minimum, he should be polite and generous to other people, but if he wants to attract and keep women’s attention, he needs to develop a more complex and interesting persona.
Everybody does what’s best for themselves.
Once you accept that everyone acts in their self-interest, you’ll be able to see through this tactic and make an informed decision about whether or not you want to associate with this man.
Human beings have a natural tendency toward egocentrism. It’s part of being human, a trait of our innate need to survive. Our self-interest is paramount. Even the most altruistic individuals are motivated by their self-interest, as they derive personal satisfaction from the positive emotions sparked by their acts of generosity.
This may make us sound like nasty people, yet studies in psychology show that we are largely motivated by our self-interest. Put your morals aside; that’s the way things are. Acting out of mutual interest is, in my view, the most moral and decent thing someone can do.
Concerning the pursuit of common goals
Meeting one’s needs while looking out for the other’s is mutual interest. I think it’s better for all parties involved in this situation if everyone is open and forthright about their goals and motivations.
The man is being honest with the woman about his desires. He is making it clear that he sees having an intimate relationship with her as *his self-interest* he is not attempting to manipulate or trick her into falling for him. It’s in *her* best interest to decide whether or not she wants to pursue a relationship with him, but either way, everyone knows where they stand.
Managing the “good guy”: a tricky problem.
According to this writer, confronting a “good person” is the most effective method of dealing with him. If you suspect he is trying to gain access to your sexual intimacy by any covert means, it is best to bring it up with him directly. Let him know that he can forget about ever happening and that his kindness will go unrewarded.
Unfortunately, most women don’t challenge the “good guy” because they like the love and admiration he shows them. They keep him around because he is sympathetic and supportive to her, a good listener when she needs to vent, and someone she can count on when she needs help.
The “good man” will be even more motivated to keep up the act and conceal his genuine motives. He believes that the longer you are his buddy and the nicer he is, the more likely he will obtain what he wants. This is because he has never experienced rejection.
The fact that his approach is never flatly rejected only serves to bolster his confidence in its efficacy. Why be honest and risk a painful and humiliating rejection when he can keep things as they are in the hopes that things would eventually work out in his favor? To remain his friend *as long as you continue dating jerks!
It’s safe to say that nice guys aren’t always bad guys; rather, they are motivated by their self-interest. But if and when he decides to boost the ante, you should do so with caution, keeping in mind the possibility of ulterior motivations or manipulation tactics.