It’s normal to feel guilty about having a cheating fantasy, but should you be concerned? The truth is, these thoughts can happen to anyone for a variety of reasons, so it’s important to understand what’s driving them and how to manage them.
Human thought processes are mysterious. You’re working hard and making good progress on your day, and then suddenly. The following minute, you’re distracted by thoughts of dancing cats on YouTube or your secret desire to cheat.
Naturally, that’s just one case in point. No limit exists on how far down the rabbit hole of insanity we can go.
It’s very normal to experience some insecurity or fleeting emotions and thoughts within a relationship. However, does it really signify anything if you frequently fantasize about cheating on your partner?
It’s possible sometimes, but not always. Some people actually find it sexually stimulating to think about their lover having sex with someone else. But does it signify anything deeper about your commitment level if you regularly fantasize about cheating?
Don’t freak out just yet; there could be rational explanations for this. Relax; you’re just like everyone else in many respects.
Consider these possible triggers for your fantasies of infidelity.
Just because I list a few possibilities below doesn’t mean that any of them will apply to you. It’s possible that your mind is having a moment and wandering off into unexplored terrain. But if fantasies of infidelity keep cropping up and growing more intense, it’s probably worth investigating why.
1. You worry about committing too much and ruining everything.
A fear of commitment is a reasonable explanation. You’re trying to relieve the stress and anxiety you’re feeling by having a cheating fantasy.
If this sounds familiar, it’s time to evaluate your feelings for your partner and your interest in committing to the relationship. If so, you should talk to your partner about your concerns. In case the last question was answered in the negative, here is another!
2. Your emotions are building up to a fever pitch.
Having fantasies about other people may seem unusual if you’re in the midst of the passionate honeymoon phase of your relationship. Calm down! Perhaps you’re feeling a wide range of strong emotions. In their minds, they’ve already accomplished cheating. The fact that you feel this way is not evidence that you need to act.
3. An open relationship may be something you’re considering.
Is it difficult for you to commit to one person? Do you find polyamory or open relationships intriguing? Even if you want to be with your partner, you may develop a cheating dream out of curiosity about other individuals. You should think carefully before sharing this with your significant other.
4. There’s something missing from the connection for you.
How’s the sex life? Pardon my directness, but are you happy with this? When fantasies of infidelity are entirely sexual in nature, it may be an indication that your sex life is lacking the excitement you crave. That’s the bad news, but fortunately the problem can be easily fixed! Just coordinate your efforts to add some spice to your bedroom (or somewhere else) time.
5. You feel unfulfilled in your current partnership.
Your dissatisfaction with the partnership could simply stem from the fact that you two aren’t a good fit. Your desire to cheat on your partner is evident in your fantasies about them. Think carefully about whether this is what you want before making a final decision. How long will this sensation last? Have you gotten into a fight, or is there a running debate between you two that is draining your energy?
Does your fantasy involve sexual or emotional content?
The sexual aspect of the infidelity fantasy has been our main focus up until now. What if the emphasis is not sexual but rather on the feelings involved? Perhaps you’re running into some difficulties if that’s the case.
If the dream isn’t acted upon, fantasizing about having sexual relations with another person is usually harmless. If your partner isn’t providing you with the emotional connection and support you need, it’s likely because you’re fantasizing about being emotionally connected to someone else.
If your fantasy involves feelings, you should discuss the problems in your current romantic partnership. Why don’t you just say it? Is your significant other being cagey? Is there something blocking you from being as candid as you’d like to be with one another? Do you feel they are too focused on their careers and not spending enough time with you to meet your emotional needs?
Hone in on the specific problem. If you can’t make up your mind, you’re more likely to try to find an emotional connection with someone else in real life.
It goes without saying that fancies belong in the imagination unless they may be used as a practical solution. Talk to your partner about your fantasies of infidelity if you think there might be an issue in the relationship.
If that fails, you should make up your mind about whether or not you want to terminate things and follow through with that decision. Before looking outside yourself for the fulfillment, consider your own wants and needs.
Fantasy cheating is on the fringes of acceptability, but actual infidelity is never okay. If you want a good rule of thumb, ask yourself how you would feel if your spouse shared your ideas and dreams. That would hurt, wouldn’t it? Put your actions and your motivations into perspective.
If you’re just having some harmless mental fun, flirting with the idea of a potential mate, bring some of it into your relationship with your partner. There’s no need to feel bad about it, and doing so will do wonders for the health of your relationship. It might even help you grow closer to one another.
Do I recommend coming clean with your partner about a secret desire to cheat? No. Actually, no. To be honest, I don’t like telling white lies, but I think you should bend the truth here. You should try to show your fantasy in a new light if you want to include it in your relationship. If you had a dream of having it with someone other than your current partner, you shouldn’t share that dream with them. Inadequate; probably not cool to hang out with either.
The desire to cheat on your partner is a common one. In the vast majority of cases, you need not worry. Utilize the criteria above to determine whether or not this is a cause for concern.