Should you trust your gut when it comes to love? It can be difficult to choose whether or not you should leave your relationship for the person you’re in love with, but we can guide you in making a decision that you won’t come to regret later on!
Should you pursue the person who makes your heart sing, or should you brush those feelings aside and continue being in the relationship where you feel secure?
When it comes to issues concerning the heart, this is likely the most difficult conundrum to solve. You didn’t ask for it—you’re truly pleased with your relationship—but all of a sudden, you meet someone you can’t take your eyes, ears, hands, or minds off of! You can’t stop thinking about them! If you weren’t linked to someone, this would have been a beautiful thing, the kind of thing that would make you want to sing hallelujah, but unfortunately, you are.
You probably feel regretful that you got to know such a witty, smart, and wonderful person, right? The world as you know it has been turned upside down, and you have no idea how to get back on your feet.
Let’s find a solution to this predicament together before it takes over your entire life. To begin, let’s take a moment to distinguish between “safe” love and “passionate” love. The term “safe” can have a variety of connotations depending on the person using it. As a general rule, it denotes that our relationships are secure since we have been with them for such a long time that we know everything there is to know about them (a choice that has been tried and tested).
They are secure because they are aware of all of our shortcomings, but they continue to be a part of us. It is also possible that they are providing us with financial security, assistance in the rearing of our children, a sympathetic ear when we need one, and a myriad of other things that make our lives easier and more pleasant.
“Passionate” love needs no lengthier definition. These loves are simply the people in our lives that remind us that life is lovely and that we, too, are wonderful. The kind of love that causes your feelings to soar and, at times, causes you to completely disregard logic is the kind of love that I’m talking about.
Taking precautions vs. putting oneself in danger:
Now that we have both terms defined let’s move on to the more difficult section of this discussion. Examining not only your sentiments but also your relationship and yourself is the only way for you to find a solution to this problem. If you aren’t completely forthright and logical in your thinking, you’ll end up in a never-ending cycle of frustration.
You should ask yourself the following questions in order to determine if it is in your best interest to go with the “safe” decision or the “passionate” choice.
#1 Did you fall in love with your present partner when you first met?
Think back to the moment when the two of you were just starting out as a pair. Were you head over heels in love with your significant other? No, I’m serious. Take yourself back to those times and savor each minute as it passes. If you have been in love previously, the memories of that love may seem trivial when compared to the adventures you have had with your current romantic interest, but you still need to accept the fact that it happened.
Every relationship, at least the ones that are worthwhile to pursue, goes through a phase in which the partners are giddy and can’t live without one other, followed by a phase in which they are comfortable… and even dull. It’s normal for you to feel the way you do right now about the new person in your romantic life. And it’s possible that your sentiments of being “in love” with your new love will, in a few years’ time, transform into sensations of feeling “safe” or “comfortable.”
If you and your new romantic interest are moving in the same direction, should you continue to invest time and energy in your present relationship?
#2 What caused your relationship to become stale in the first place?
If you’ve ever had romantic feelings for the person, you’re with now, what went wrong this time? Try to analyze the reasons why you consider your current spouse to be a safe decision rather than a choice that was made by and for your heart in the same way that a scientist would.
When did you first begin to feel dissatisfied? What steps have you taken to make the situation more favorable? Find out everything that could be the cause, and then ask yourself if any of those things can be changed. Also, you should tell as to whether or not similar issues could possibly develop with the new person.
#3 What is it about the new person that you find appealing?
Put the new individual under a microscope and try to get rid of all the warm and fuzzy sentiments you have for them. What is it about them as a person that appeals to you, and why is that? Do you feel an instant connection and are able to finish each other’s sentences? Create a list of all the possible explanations you can think of.
After that, determine if these traits are genuinely what you’re looking for in a long-term relationship and whether or not your current partner possesses them as well. If they do, then you can move on to the next step. Is there something that your new love interest can give you that your existing relationship will never be able to give you? Does it make that much of a change or difference to you?
#4 What is your current perspective on the state of your relationship?
When we are already in a committed relationship, and we come into contact with another person who piques our interest, that person acts as a mirror for us. It is natural for us to be lured and attracted to other individuals, and this can occur even when we are deeply in love with the person we are committed to. But if you’ve reached the stage where you’re questioning yourself if you should leave your partner for that other person, it only shows that you aren’t happy with your relationship anymore. If you’ve reached this point, you should probably leave your partner for the other person.
Even worse, you might come to the conclusion that you were never content with it in the first place. Make an effort to take an objective and look at your connection. When you think of your relationship, do you still feel love or warmth for your partner, or does the idea of it make you want to cringe?
#5 Is the life you envision for yourself with the new person one that is grounded in imagination or one that is grounded in reality?
Do you have kids? Do the newcomer, and their partner have any children? If that’s the case, how confident are you that you’ll be able to handle everything that’s been planned? Is the incoming individual likely to make a suitable parent? You probably have a piece of you that doesn’t want to think about it because you simply want to concentrate on how well the two of you get along together, but the reality is that we are not in fantasy land.
In the real world, you have to take into account a variety of elements in addition to your great attraction to a person. Imagine what it will be the situation like if you are with another person in five years. Create an accurate depiction of that situation. Have you taken in everything that there is to see?
#6 Will they assist you in maturing into a more admirable individual?
When we meet or see someone new and fall in love with them, we simultaneously fall in love with an improved version of ourselves. Who are you when you’re with this new individual? Describe the kind of person you are. Or, a better question would be: when you are in their presence, what type of person do you want to be? Are you a clever person? Are you artistic? Are you adventurous? Are you brimming with vitality? Do you have the qualities of patience and love?
There are situations in which the current relationship and the new love interest are not relevant factors. Sometimes, it’s because we have the desire to progress. Do they encourage you to improve as a person when you’re with them, or have they become so accustomed to you that you’ve pretty much settled for the person you are at this point in your life?
It’s possible that the new person plays a significant role in your development into the kind of person you ultimately wish to be. It’s possible that the person you end up picking is of secondary importance and that you should instead be concentrating on changing yourself.
I am aware that being in this predicament can be taxing, but one of the ways in which it can be seen as a blessing is the fact that it compels us to look deep within ourselves and ask important questions. These are questions that have the potential to lead to a change in who we are, regardless of whether we continue our relationship with our current partner, try out new things with a new lover, or go it alone.
It is a difficult choice to have to make whether to continue in the relationship you are currently in or to pursue the person you have fallen in love with. Just the act of asking oneself these questions is the beginning of the process. You need to let everything sit for a while before taking any action on it; keep in mind that it’s great to follow your heart, but it’s important to be firmly planted on the ground at all times.
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