Setting boundaries in a relationship will help you to stop feeling resentful and start feeling better about yourself, your partner, and the relationship.
Make sure that you’re being completely true to yourself in the relationship, even if you’ve been together for a long time when you’re seeing someone new (or even if you’ve been together for some time). The beginning of a new relationship is a good moment to lay down some ground rules with your partner (and we’re not just talking about physical boundaries). If you’re already in a relationship, how do you deal with this? Even if you’ve been together for a long time, you should still bring up the subject and have an open discussion about it.
5 Tips on Setting Boundaries
When Dating, What Are the Boundaries?
In a relationship, a person’s boundaries are defined by the extent to which they are willing to compromise. Each person’s requirements, space, individuality, and health are protected by the use of these devices.
Leslie Malchy, a relationship psychologist, believes that although we can always change our minds and bend some of our boundaries when we become closer to someone, it’s critical to start a relationship with clarity. Depending on the person, “a touch on the arm can be a welcome source of closeness and comfort” or “a privacy infringement,” she notes. When we communicate our needs, we shield ourselves and others from the misery of hurting each other.
Make a Decision About Your Emotions
Think about what kinds of limits are most essential to you while you’re alone, away from the individuals you’re dating. (Two basic boundaries to get your wheels rolling are how often you communicate with one another and how frequently you see one another.) Having a weak or leaky boundary is a problem for many of us because we become so involved in the other person’s “stuff,” we lose sight of what it is that we ourselves are feeling, argues Twardowski. “By actively drawing the distinction between yourself and the other person [or persons], you are taking the time to pull away, contemplate, and genuinely check in with yourself.”
Find a Neutral Court (or Time)
There are times when it’s appropriate to have a private chat like this in one of your own settings, especially if the subject of intimacy is involved. Although a coffee shop would be wonderful, it doesn’t make sense in this situation. You can also strive to maintain the timing neutral because it can be difficult to keep the place neutral. If you’ve planned the conversation, for example, meet when you’re not already arguing about anything else and when you both have a clear brain.
Prepare Your Non-Negotiables First.
Make a list of the things you need to do to make your relationship work for you. Think about it: What do you absolutely need in order to feel at ease and confident while dating this individual or individuals? Do you have something that you will never be able to accept? If so, how often do you want to check in with the person or folks you’re seeing? Finding out what you and your partner can’t compromise on, in the beginning, will help you figure out if you’re meant to be together. Walk away from a relationship if your non-negotiables aren’t being respected.
Pay attention, pay attention, pay attention…
It’s time to listen now that you’ve discussed your requirements. In any relationship situation, there are two or more people who deserve to be heard. Listen carefully, and if you’re not sure of anything, ask some questions. If you said a boundary of your partner’s or partners’ was fine, but you didn’t understand it prior, chances are it won’t go down well in a few weeks or months.
Self-Care Is Vital.
Recognize that you’re protecting yourself by attempting to create limits when it comes to dating, and that’s a good thing. Twardowski argues that if your talk causes blowback or guilt, you need to take care of yourself. Spending too much (or any) energy dwelling on what happened is counterproductive, she advises. If someone makes you feel awful for standing up for yourself, that person isn’t someone you should be dating.