How someone kisses can tell you a lot about who they are. A kiss can say a lot, and it’s the sweetest way to start a moment that could change your life… or just give you the best night of your life. But in this article, we’ll talk about the 19 types of disgusting kisses that will ruin your night.
But a kiss can also go wrong in many ways, especially if it is really gross. You might even know this from personal experience, since many women have probably had at least one bad kiss in their lives. If you haven’t, well, you’re lucky!
Kisses You Should Avoid at All Costs
We’re going to list some of the most common gross kisses that can make or break a new relationship as a great service to the world.
Kiss with a wide-open mouth.
This kind of kisser has no idea what he’s doing. Or he might just be really into it. BUT… it’s not right! He just goes all out and barely has time to catch his breath. He might think that to kiss you, he has to open his mouth and move his head back and forth over you.
Kiss with lips closed.
This what-the-hell kiss is also a big no-no. If you meet this kisser, you’ll be annoyed by how he keeps his mouth closed all the time, as if he doesn’t like what’s going on or doesn’t want to kiss you at all.
This kisser looks like he thinks he’s a bird, maybe Woody Woodpecker. His pucker is actually a pecker, and it’s all over your face in the most unflattering, unattractive way.
This kisser always seems to be spitting a lot. You know you’re with a slobber kisser when you feel dirty and wet after a kiss, but not in a seductive way. At all. A slobber kisser will kiss you all over and leave gross, slimy spit trails on your face that you can’t wait to wipe off before you run for the hills.
Too much biting.
Biting can be attractive, but if a guy bites you so hard that you bleed and your lips swell up, he might be a vampire, and you should stay away from him. If a kiss makes you feel like you were bitten by a wild animal, you need to teach this guy how to kiss or how to stay away from you.
Tongue sucking can be hot and naughty, but only up to a point. It’s weird if you have to stick out your tongue while he licks it like a baby or animal trying to clean it or get food. That kiss isn’t really about you or making you happy. It’s about how your tongue tastes like the last thing you ate… or he might be obsessed with tongues.
There are kisses that will make the hair on your neck stand up, and there are others that are just so. damn. boring. The limp-tongue kiss is a good example. There you are, all hot and heavy as your lips touch, and then his tongue just lies there. It’s like kissing a fish that has died. You stop and wonder, “Did something happen? Is he sick or something?” Then, you tell yourself with sadness that you’ll never see this guy again.
Kiss with bad breath.
If there is anything worse than kissing someone with bad breath, it might be kissing someone who smells bad. Even if he is at the top of your list of most eligible bachelors, if he has bad breath, you should show him the door, but not before you give him some mints, so he gets the message, for the sake of all the other girls and the rest of humanity.
A kiss on the ear.
The ears are very attractive. Something about a whisper, a light touch, or a soft kiss on the ear can turn you on right away. But there are some people who go too far. If his slithering tongue is in all the cracks of your ear and you feel like someone is cleaning your ear canal with a thick, slimy Q-tip, push him away and tell him to put his tongue away.
Kiss up the nose.
The up-the-nose-kisser makes you think of a puppy you left at home for a long time and came back to find very excited. When you get home, he jumps over you and kisses you everywhere. This kisser is like a puppy who can’t get enough of you. His mouth is all the way up in yours—even it’s over yours and up to your nose. What’s on his mind?
When you watch romantic movies where the actors close their eyes and lean in to kiss, you start to think that’s how all kisses will be—until you meet the googly-eyed kisser. When you kiss, his eyes stay open the whole time. Don’t be surprised if you feel like you’re being sprayed with cold water if you look at him while you’re doing French. A guy who looks at you with crossed eyes while you kiss is neither hot nor romantic.
Christian Grey kiss.
This kiss is just painful. You’ve had a Christian Grey kiss if you’ve ever leaned in quickly for a passionate kiss but ended up hitting your teeth, hurting your gums, and chipping a tooth. There may be times when one or both of you bleed, but you still kiss each other, and you can taste the blood in the saliva of the other person. Nothing.
Kiss all over the face.
This kisser will kiss you everywhere but your lips. When you kiss this kisser, it might feel like he’s going to eat your face, whether it’s your cheek, chin, cheekbones, or something else. You might even be afraid that he’ll lick out your eyes.
That sick kiss.
This kiss is a little bit understandable, but it’s still disgusting. This is when your partner has the sniffles, and you try to make him feel better by giving him a soft peck, but he sneezes all over your face. When you get sticky mucus on your face, you get extra points. Yay, girlfriend!
Food residue kiss.
So, you had a fancy dinner with filet mignon and good wine. You’re glad you got your ideal date in a nice place, but you’re not happy until you kiss. Before coming at you, this kind of kisser should think about brushing and flossing his teeth. This is because when you kiss, he gives you some of the filet mignons he just ate. The disgusting part is that you might have to eat it and then feel bad about yourself for doing so. Eek!
The rainbow kiss is not bright, colorful, or rainbow-like at all. There’s no sparkle, color, or shine. It’s not even close. With this kiss, you and your partner do 69… while you’re on your period. Then he goes in your mouth and stays there until you kiss. Your menstrual blood and sperm mix with your saliva to make a “rainbow.”
The rainbow kiss from Hershey.
This is a “chocolate” version of the Rainbow Kiss, in which you also put your own or your partner’s poop in your mouths before kissing and swapping fluids.
This isn’t really a kiss, but the upper lip is involved, so we’ll include it. This is when your partner touches your behind and wipes the last of your “fudge” over your lips, making a smelly, feces-smelling mustache.
This is similar to the Dirty Sanchez, but instead of putting his fingers in your ass, your partner puts his penis in your upper lip and rubs the poop it picked up on your upper lip.
So, there’s our horrible list of embarrassing kisses. If these didn’t make you feel sick to your stomach, think about this: you may have given one of these kisses to someone else! It makes you want to stick your head in the sand, doesn’t it? The next time you kiss someone, remember to stay away from these. Better yet, work on your lip skills, so you don’t scare people with your smack.
You can’t really learn how to kiss well from a book—you have to do it a lot. But knowing what kinds of kisses you shouldn’t do is a step in the right direction.
Related articles you might like: How To Kiss Someone Deeply And Make Them Melt, How To Improve Your Kissing Skills To Wow Everyone You Mack On, How To Determine Whether You’re A Good Kisser And Improve Your Skills