Okay, I really need to say this: Why I should have never gotten married is a thought that has crossed my mind multiple times, and I can’t help but admit that marrying my husband might have been a mistake. Gasp. When I look at him now, I feel like he was the dumbest choice I’ve ever made. I really know that he wasn’t the right man for me to marry if I could go back ten years. Double gasp. We’re still married, which is bad for me, and if you think he’ll be angry if he reads this, don’t worry about it. He couldn’t care less.
He knows I wasn’t happy with our marriage, and I still don’t know why I did it. I think love is blind, stupid, deaf, and dumb. I was so miserable the night before my wedding because I didn’t want to get married or walk down the aisle that I begged my mother to let me stay with them indefinitely. Yes, I truly believed all of those things.
My mom thought I had the wedding blues, but I didn’t want to marry. It wasn’t blue, pink, or purple. So you might be wondering, “Why?” Didn’t you love him?” I did love him, but I wasn’t ready for him yet.
I didn’t want to stay with him for the rest of my life. We dated for about two years, but that wasn’t long enough to know if we were a good match. People often think that two years is a long time, but think about it: is it worth your whole life?
What I Felt After I Got Married
I always thought it was a mistake that he asked me to be his wife. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think badly of myself, but I wasn’t as ready as he was. I was always afraid that he asked me by accident and that I said yes because I didn’t want to lose him. Even though I knew it was true, it made me feel worse.
Wishing I could tell my younger self something, but what? In your opinion, what advice would you give to someone who is 26 years old? That she was dumb to believe it? Tell her she didn’t know what real love was? That the things she read in fairy tales stayed just stories? What would I say to that scared and excited woman? Worried and tense? How do I tell her that getting married was the worst thing she ever did?
Getting Ready to Be My Mr.’s Wife
When I got married, I knew it wasn’t something I really, deeply, or desperately wanted to do. I felt like I was taking the fun out of my life on purpose. I thought I would miss out on a lot of the fun of “being single.” But this didn’t make sense to me then, so I walked down the aisle, looked into his eyes, and wondered if I could spend my whole life with him. By the way, I still am. We had a lot of fun on our trip together, even though it was often strange and dull.
At times it’s heated, and other times it’s calm. I tried very hard not to think that I was his wife. Honestly, all I wanted was for us to return to being lovers before we got married. I wanted to go back to the way things were before we got married. No matter how hard I tried, it wasn’t the same.
I was now his wife, and for some reason, that made him treat me like a new person. Trust me, if you’re in love, the love goes away when you get married and become husband and wife. All of a sudden, you have to be a little more serious and grown up.
Not everything is roses after you get married.
He started to wonder if I was crazy, if I was old enough to think like a normal person, and if I was even sane. All of a sudden, kids no longer had pillow fights. All of a sudden, Saturdays and holidays were times to rest so you could get ready for a busy week of work. Suddenly, every time I wanted to cook something different, wear something different, or go somewhere different, I had to ask him. He told me I had to be home at a certain time because he had invited his parents over. All of a sudden, my whole life turned into a nightmare.
No one will tell you that marriage opens your eyes, but it does.
Some of my friends got married while we were dating, and they never missed a chance to tease us and try to get us to get married, too. I didn’t like them because they made him want to marry me even more. The smirks he flashed at me suggested he was used to it, though. I didn’t like it.
I wanted to do what I wanted with my life. I would always just smile and look away, which made him think I was also up for it.
I was 25 at the time, so I guess it was okay for people to tell me I should get married. After all, I was in love, right? It depends. I loved him but didn’t want to believe that for the rest of my life. You might wonder what I planned to do with my life. I had a lot of plans, though.
I wanted to learn more, but I also wanted to get to know him better as a lover. I wanted to be discovered, teased, longed for, loved, and missed. I still wanted all of those things, and I knew that I would always want them.
What I Was Told About Getting Married
A month before he asked me to marry him, my family decided to keep the idea of marriage in my mind. I was told that marriages are pretty great and that I would spend the rest of my life sharing a bed with my lover and my best friend. I was told that after I got married, no one would be able to treat me like my lover did.
Since I had known him for a few years, he seemed like the “right” father for my kids. I was told that he would treat me like a queen, like a friend, and love me like there was no tomorrow.
They told me that two best friends getting married to each other is the best way to make a marriage work. They told me that our love for each other would always grow and that our friendship would get stronger. When I still didn’t give them a thumbs up, they told me to stop thinking and to run down the aisle because marrying my best friend and lover would be my life’s best decision.
So far, this is what I’ve learned:
We don’t have children just yet. Even though we love each other, this isn’t enough. I learned that I should have paid attention to what my heart told me and asked for more time. I should have thought about my worries before I took a big step. When he asked, I should have said no and asked him nicely to give me some time. Why? Do you think I’m having a hard time? No.
He’s not a bad husband, and I know he loves me, but it would have been better if we weren’t legally married. It’s worse to feel like you’re tied down. It’s better to live together than to be forced to. Love grows when there are no limits.
Maybe I just wanted to vent, or maybe I just needed to say what was on my mind. You might think I’m right. If you do, I want you to think ten times before you walk down the aisle if you think I’m right. No one has the right to tie you two together because each of you deserves your own space no matter what.
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