Are you wondering why your man always gives you empty promises? Despite his assurances to the contrary, he continues to fail to improve. You may be wondering why he won’t grow up. Read on to learn more about him and how to assist him.
Do you ever just roll your eyes and wonder why he won’t grow up? He may be difficult to live with because he never pitches in to help around the house, constantly ditches you for work, or often overindulges in alcohol. Nothing will change even if you work up the nerve to ask him directly.
Worst of all, he promises that he will. Maybe he’ll make a vow. And he might be the perfect gentleman for a few days or weeks, but then the hope fades, and you’re back where you started. Why?
Did he not love you enough? Is it true that he can’t evolve? Is he open to altering his ways? So, he expects you just to accept it, right?
Why does he say he’ll change?
We all struggle with change. New jobs, new homes, and even new hairstyles require adjustment. And when that shift has to happen on the inside, the challenge multiplies.
You’ve changed and are not the same person you were a decade ago, but that’s okay. You improved your life by developing into a complete human being. The problem is that you expect your boyfriend or husband to change if he is the one causing you pain through his words or behavior. You assume that if he made you reflect on your actions, you’d make changes out of compassion for his suffering.
A man may not understand your pain, even if you tell him about it. It’s possible that his initial instinct will be to try and reassure you so that he can get through this conversation more easily. He knows he has room for improvement, and that’s why he promises it.
It’s one thing to say you’ll alter your behavior and another to do it. He is aware of this, but he relieves himself of duty and further inconvenience by reducing your suffering.
The statement may sound harsh, and he may not be giving it much thought, but guys have a hard time viewing themselves through the eyes of others, especially their significant others. That begs the question, “Why?”
Why won’t he grow up?
The reasons for his stated willingness to alter his behavior are obvious. Whether or whether he means it at the moment, he has no intention of keeping his word.
But if you’re curious as to why he won’t change or is so stubborn when it comes to genuine change, several factors contribute to his refusal to comply with your requests.
It’s normal to be anxious about the future. It’s probably been like this for a while, and I know it’s evident to you that the relationship would benefit if he kept his word and did what you asked.
Since he is concerned about how he will feel after the transition, he has put off making the change.
Is there any chance he could alter his ways? Contrary to popular belief, not everyone is. Others are stubborn and refuse to change their minds. It doesn’t matter how much you care about him or how much you think he can improve if he doesn’t believe it himself.
Maybe you’re hoping the mutual affection the two of you share would catalyze a transformation in him. You may believe that if you simply tell him he has to improve, he will immediately start making the necessary adjustments. Unfortunately, however, many guys are not moved by how you feel.
He won’t change his behavior unless it hurts him first, no matter how much your discomfort motivates you to try.
If you’re baffled as to why he won’t adjust his behavior, consider the possibility that he’s happy with himself just as he is. Your frustrations with him are probably not new. If he is content where he is and secures in his abilities, he will have no desire to alter his current situation.
Sadly, I must tell you that no amount of nagging or pleading on your behalf will sway or change your partner’s opinion. This irritates him further, making him less interested in continuing the relationship. However much you nag and convince him of the need for his change, he may get more irritated than motivated. [Here’s how to get your man fired up and feeling like a winner again.]
Perhaps his very nature is poisonous. I know you care about him and he has his redeeming qualities, but if he is manipulative and lies all the time, he probably won’t change.
Someone toxic will not improve no matter how hard you beg, plead, or pray for them to do so. You may believe that they will and things will improve, but this is yet another indicator of their toxic nature.
You seem stuck in a routine. If he complies with your change request but soon reverts to old habits, he may be responding familiarly. He knows what will happen if he acts badly, apologizes, and is forgiven, but then acts badly again.
If you keep forgiving him and hoping he’ll reform, he’ll realize he’s making out well and take advantage of the situation.
Because of this, he is uncertain whether he should try to make a change. Sure, you tell him you’ll be happier if he’s more open and vulnerable, but he has no idea this is the case. The prospect of change not improving things worries him.
It might make matters even worse. He is reluctant to make a change until he is certain of its results.
The question is how to motivate him to change?
These aren’t excuses for his stubbornness, but they may shed light on how to get him to see the light.
All of these factors show that a man is unwilling to alter his behavior for the sake of others. If he genuinely wants to improve, chances are he will. If you want him to alter his behavior, how can you convince him to do so?
It’s not fair to put yourself in his position. There has been a change in your responses. You may feel bad and try to change after he told you your actions hurt him, but that’s not what he needs.
He must instead be compelled to make an effort to improve. He must feel his pain or discomfort to change, not yours. It’s possible that he feels some sympathy for your plight, but it’s not strong enough to motivate him.
It’s enough to make him stop a boring conversation but not enough to make a lasting difference.
Usually, I try to avoid giving people ultimatums, but he needs to experience the same level of pain that you are to understand that the issue you have with him is also his. Make it clear that he does not need to alter his behavior for your sake but that you will be disappointed if he does not. Plus, give him a glimpse of what it’s like to be miserable alongside you.
What if he couldn’t phone you to let you know he was running late getting home on Sunday? Would you still be willing to visit his mother’s place for dinner? Why would you want to wash his clothes when he can’t even take the trash out?
When he needs help, will you be there for him even if he doesn’t bother to listen to your problems? I’m not suggesting you give him a taste of his own medicine, but you also can’t ignore his negative actions and ignore his positive ones.
Although it may be hard to hear, treat him like a dog and train him. You should ignore his repetitive actions up to a degree but praise every effort he makes to improve. Demonstrate your gratitude by doing things you know he’ll enjoy to drive home the point that he should make that change for the better.
If you’re not happy in the relationship and he’s tired of your begging and pleading, which he regards as nagging, then you need to face the fact that your relationship is on the verge of collapse. But if these measures work, then the time of wondering why he won’t change is over, and better times lie ahead.
Articles you might like: How Frequently Should You See Your Partner, Why Do Yoyo Relationships Never Work, Being In A Real Relationship – One That Isn’t An Illusion