It’s hard to tell whether it’s time for a couple to seek counseling or break up. Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz and April Eldemire, two marital and relationship therapists, spoke with us about the warning flags to watch out for when your relationship is dying.
Your Relationship is Dying?
A divorce is something that no one expects to happen at the beginning of a partnership. You wouldn’t have spent the money or walked down the aisle in the first place if you were certain you wouldn’t make it. However, marriage difficulties are a fact of life for every relationship. Even if the concerns that could drive you and your spouse to the divorce lawyer’s office are clearly visible, they may not be obvious to you at first.
Your Online Relationship Fails to Take Off
The patience and love that used to be the foundation of your connection are replaced by resentment and disdain as a relationship ends, according to Dr. Schmitz. People say, “You avoid one another at all costs. You’re more content apart than you are together.” When you choose to spend time apart from your spouse, rather than simply indulging in distinct activities, it indicates that your relationship is dying.
Fight Fairly or Don’t Fight at All, That Is Your Choice
Resentment, bitterness, and the emotional dispute can build up in couples who avoid conflict or throw things under the floor, adds Eldemire. It’s possible that couples who avoid conflict because they don’t trust each other enough to discuss challenging issues aren’t really in a committed relationship. The ability to disagree in a constructive manner that allows you to address concerns head-on and work through difficulties as a team is one that will serve you well in the long run. Some couples, on the other hand, start fighting often and unfairly.
While it’s fine to have disagreements, as Dr. Schmitz points out, “arguments that have turned personal and emotional aren’t useful or helping you move forward.”
As a result, you are unable to effectively communicate with others.
Open communication is an indication of a healthy relationship, so be aware if you don’t chat (or only make small talk). Dr. Schmitz adds that “failing couples lose the skill and the will to tackle marital difficulties.” ‘There are fewer substantive discussions, and mutual difficulties are disregarded or ignored.’ Nobody ever got anything accomplished by refusing to communicate, therefore you’re doomed to remain silent.
Honesty is non-existent.
You may hide information in an attempt to keep your partner from getting angry or irritated in order to avoid a dispute. While your intentions may be genuine, if the suppressed information is revealed later, it can cause enormous anguish and a feeling of betrayal that you might not have had if you disclosed things from the beginning, it can be very damaging.”
Withholding information is a dishonest act in and of itself, so exercise caution in what you choose to withhold. Picking and selecting how much your partner knows about your life does nothing good for your relationship.
Intimacy does not exist.
The term “intimacy” can apply to a variety of non-sexual activities, such as holding hands or cuddling, as well as just touching one another while conversing. According to Dr. Schmitz, sex isn’t the most crucial part of a successful relationship, but intimacy (and thus sex) is still important. As the saying goes, “If you and your partner feel more like roommates than partners sharing the intimacy and complexity of partnership, you have lost a critical building brick.”
Please watch out for these signs and red flags and maybe you could still save both of you when your relationship is dying. Don’t forget to stay in a healthy non-toxic relationship.